Matrix Revolutions




Drunken Master

SCORE: 8-24 Beers

Never has there been a movie that I’d look forward to seeing next to more than Return of the King and Return of the Jedi.  Notice both of those movies have Return in their titles, not that has anything to do with how good they were.  Return of the King has best picture written all over however I think Jackson will get looked over again for no sane reason.  Jedi had those God Damn fucking Ewoks in it that makes me want to grab a tire iron and play infield grounder clinic for the New York Losers.  If only Carrie Fisher hadn’t sported an Ewok G-String while prancing amongst the village.  What the fuck was Lucas thinking….wait, he doesn’t think he directs like a robot.  Back to the Matrix Revolutions……Damn.   I just wanna convert to Christianity after viewing this 21st century rendition of the story of Christ.  Now I have to come out and say that Reloaded was one of my top say twenty films of all time, it was just that bad ass.   However the Ski brothers came into town looking to convert a few non believers that Christ was the man…..Jesus became Neo and the Romans became the Machines.  Granted there is a great big battle scene where a captain screams his lungs out while the squidies fly in hordes that flush together like bad anime.  I give this movie a started eight because the only redeeming qualities of this movie are the one battle scene.   The other fight scenes other than this are complete shit, I felt like the asian dude rammed his fist up my pie hole and ripped out my soul.  As far as CGI goes yeah they were cool, but when I think back to the fight scenes in the original…..was the choreographer on break?  Judas…..oh how you are lame, that’s not his characters name in the movie but shit it might as well have been.  Oh and what the fuck was with the whole Indians in the train station, we know our tech jobs are going over there…..why the fuck drive that home with that scene.  The only redeeming scene I can readily think of would be the club sequence, however it was quick and most of the public will be turned off by it due to the wardrobe worn by all the stand-ins.  The action scene immediately before this is so fucked up…….Rules….Broken…..Shit there’s a bunch of fuck ups running around on the ceiling like the mental patients from the Exorcist Three except their wielding hand guns and couldn’t shoot the side of a barn……Granted that throughout the entire scene hundreds of rounds of ammo are shot with only about a dozen connecting with the intended target.  The more I think about this film, the more I don’t like.  If you’re forced to see this movie in the theatres by all means have someone else pay or see a matinee.  As far as movies to end franchises this is one dead puppy.