The Cutting Edge

The King of the Rink is about to meet America's Ice Queen.

Jurassic Mark

SCORE: 3 Stars

Today I'm in touch with my feminine side. Strangely, the same thing happened to me the last time I saw The Cutting Edge. It features the unlikely pairing of a macho hockey player (do they come any other way?) and a stuck-up figure skater (do they come any other way?). Anyway, the movie is about "opposites attract" and "chemistry" and all that girly stuff. I'm practically weeping at my keyboard due to the warm estrogen flowing through my man-breasts.

I just "feel" the need to talk about The Cutting Edge. D.B. Sweeney (rhymes with "dreamy") plays tough-guy Doug. Doug was an NHL caliber hockey player before an injury (bless his heart) ended his career. Moira Kelly (estrogen fading...testosterone rising) portrays a spoiled figure skater who is a bitch who I wanted to belt in the mouth and ravish her straight through her spandex pants. I'd fuck Moira's little twat six ways to Sunday. And, don't even get me started on tagging that perfect ass.

The Cutting Edge is definitely worth a peek. It's a pleasant, romantic diversion.

Darth Buzz

SCORE: 4

Contrived shit.

It's bad enough that we have Drunken Master watching crap like this.  Now Jurassic Mark has started doing it too.  In almost every scene in this flick I yearned to take a tire iron to the head of everyone involved.

Like it is Anakin's job to bring balance to the force, it is Darth Buzz's job to bring balance to Movie Pit.