Dungeons & Dragons

This is no game.

Darth Buzz

SCORE: 6

If one were to look up the definition of cheesy in the dictionary, one would almost surely find Dungeons & Dragons listed as an example. The majority of the scenes in this movie fall into two classes. The first and most common type of scene gives the impression that this is being shot on a leftover set from an episode of Xena. These scenes even include highly unrealistic Styrofoam props, like dragon teeth or metal objects like gates that more resemble plastic than metal. The second type of scene that fills in the cracks between all the "set scenes" are the "CGI scenes" that look like they were rendered by Atari. (not really that bad) The combination of these two types of scenes gives the film a real classy feel, and gives support to the high caliber acting crew that try to overact their way through just about every scene. Interestingly enough it is the most credible actor in the movie (Jeremy Irons) who is most guilty of overacting, and he is closely followed by his buddy Damodar (Bruce Payne.)  Watch this guy when the two flower thingies come out of his ears. (lol)

This symphony of cheese is quite a spectacle. This movie definitely falls into the category of "it's so bad it's good." Not for one moment in the movie did I think I was witnessing quality film making, but for the most part I was being entertained. That's more than I can say for a lot of films.

Drunken Master

SCORE: 7Beers

Oh we have another cheese vehicle in the Flash Gordon Lane that attempts to pass it, yet is stuck behind the double white lines that are illegal to pass.  However thanks greatly in part to some serious bad acting by just about every actor involved with movie we get a highly enjoyable cheese event.  To lead us in this parade of
teenaged dorks who stay up till all hours of the night playing this silly game (I was at one point) is Oscar Winner (I think) Jeremy Irons.  He must have just come from a one on one lesson in overacting from Gary Oldman because man is He WAY over the top. Granted that we can't pass up the fine acting performance from Baldy Bruce Payne.  "LOOK AT ME!", " LOOK AT ME!"

Oh he's good.  However this movie was rescued from absolute shitdom by two actresses, and I'm not talking about the actress from the best movie of the year nominee Thora Birch!  No her role basically sucks ass especially (SPOILER ALERT)  When we see her riding atop a dragon in the finale battle for good vs. evil.  I'm talking about little known Zoe Mclellan the female mage apprentice who could cast spells just by flicking her hair out of her face, and Kristin Wilson the Elf tracker that could track me anytime.  Now you might say how can you rescue this movie......Well you really can't but the whole of the mass lumped together taken with a grain of salt and a lot of alcohol makes for a cheesy entertainment factor.  Don't make me get started on the Wayans brother!

AWARDS