The Education of Little Tree




Jurassic Mark

SCORE: 0 Stars

Film conservation is an issue these days. Perhaps Marty Scorcese or Quentin "Hong Kong" Tarentino can recycle the useless celluloid that was The Education of Little Tree. This is the biggest pedantic piece of anti-family shit masked in a PG format to hit the screen since we referred to Native Americans as "Injuns." 

My god, I'm an atheist and I was praying for the Christians to murder these sanctimonious, tree hugging, bootlegging, two-faced, "redskins" (my word for Native Americans stupid enough to get involved with this project). Do me a favor Chief Smokes For Less, and rape me at the craps table. At least I know what I'm getting into. 

As I watched The Education of Little Tree, it felt "false" at every moment. No wonder. The movie is based on a fake autobiography by Forrest Carter. Carter's real name is Asa Carter. He was (is?) a white supremacist and political writer for the ultimate friend of the Injun: George Wallace. Now, we are led (by some critics praising the movie) to believe he's a converted children's author. I doubt it. Check out his credits on the internet movie database, and it gets pretty weird. Everyone he's been associated with seems to have a pseudonym. All links to Asa Carter and those who made The Education of Little Tree are either scant or suspicious. For example, director Richard Friedenberg (Cherokee for "Friend of the Lettuce") is probably not the popular vote for "voice" of the Native American. He's a Hollywood puppet. A hack. A jackass of monumental proportions. If Friedenberg were in an emergency, he'd dial "912." 

I'll spare you any more history and get on with this lick my ass review. The Education of Little Tree goes out of its way to portray Christians as evil. The bashing is non-stop. There is not one single positive portrayal of a Christian in this movie. But the Native Americans are "full of" wisdom, tough love, meaningful hugs, spiritual care, 
mental telepathy, secret places, Darwinism???, medical genius and pride (they never cry). Eighty-year-old Aunt Forest Log could keel over from a massive coronary, and only the white bugle player would shed a tear at the funeral. The Injuns would give each other meaningful hugs and drift off alone to their "secret place." 

Any critic who sees this as a "family" picture has lost all touch with any semblance of the average American's values. Usually, I would applaud said critics. The average American is a slack-jawed, Jerry Springer-loving retard. Some of these slack-jawed retards happen to be Christians. But, let's not suspend all observational powers and place the Native American in a higher category. You see, I don't care if people want to bash Christians in the movies. They mostly deserve it. I only object to Native Americans being held in higher accord. Furthermore, I object to the racial imbalance depicted in The Education of Little Tree when the background and motivation of the screenwriters is unclear. In other words, I defy a rational human to watch TEOLT and take Asa Carter's screenplay at face value. Knowing Carter's history, it seems likely that he took all of his hatred toward the anti-Christian "left" and told his story in reverse. Carter laughs all the way to the bank, and (some) critics applaud. 

Plot: After his parents die, young Little Tree is raised by his white Granpa (James Cromwell) and redskin Granma (Tantoo Cardinal). The three live in the mountains where Little Tree learns about moonshine (the family trade), evolution, evil Christian whites, evil whites claiming to be Christian, and evil whites en masse except innocent white children and cracker Granpa. Mostly, the movie is a series of aggravating scenes like the following:

* Granpa and Granma "not so slyly" introduce Little Tree into the bootlegging industry. Little Tree risks his life smuggling rot-gut whiskey past stupid "pale-faced" deputies. I was proud of Little Tree when he buried himself in leaves all night in the cold to evade "evil white men" until good old granpa found him many hours later with the "stash" still intact. Little Tree learned an important lesson: Risk your life running from the "Law" when the illegal family business is at stake. 

* Little Tree buys a sick calf for $1 from a villainous white man who "claims" to be a Christian. Said calf dies. Little Tree states sincerely that he'll never trade with Christians again. Granpa and Granma and Little Tree share a belly laugh. Little Tree has learned his lesson. Christians are "evil." Later scenes compound the theme.

* Our Injun family attends Christian church every Sunday. They hate church, but the screenplay suggest that weekly visits with the "town folk" keep the bootleggers in good-standing with society. In reality, the church scenes are pathetically contrived attacks at Jerry Springer Christians, while the Darwinist Native Americans (don't make me explain) laugh like flatulent hyenas. There is an unforgivably unfunny scene involving an adulteress, her many lovers and a croaking frog. 

Eventually, Little Tree is forced by "white man's law" to leave Granpa and Granma and "change his ways" at an evil Christian boarding school. He's tortured because the screenwriter says so. He sends a prayer to his family, and Granpa shows up magically to save the day. Later Granpa dies and goes to his "secret place." Except we all 
find out where that is, because he's buried there. The white bugle player cries. The Injuns give each other meaningful hugs. Granma dies shortly thereafter and goes to her secret place. Little Tree wanders the earth like Cane from Kung Fu. 

White men are evil. Injun is good. Let that be a lesson to you.