Matrix Reloaded


Free your mind.


Jurassic Mark

SCORE: 1.5 Stars

Damn! There are so many questions I want to ask about The Matrix Reloaded. Granted this is an unfortunate exercise for all involved. Please, bear with me.

  1. Other than Trinity riding against traffic on a motorcycle, which action scenes in this movie improve on the original, or seem fresh and exciting (even granting fans the extra time, budget and advances in special effects since the 1999 original)? 

  2. Was the Hordes of Agent Smith vs. Neo scene staged purely for the sake of action, or to point out that Neo is beyond the capacity of any physical vulnerability from the Matrix? 

    a. More precisely, what physical danger does the Matrix impose upon Neo? (This was, I believe, answered in the first movie). 

    b. If the Matrix provides no physical threat to Neo, and the only real conflict in the movie is based on Neo's "free choice" between love or survival (wait, I accidentally answered my own question), which part of this conflict is more interesting than any competent lecture in Philosophy 101 at the high school level? 

  3. Is The Matrix Reloaded a kung-fu movie in a sci-fi setting? 

    a. If it is, how is it any better than Iron Monkey, or Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon or any kung-fu movie that uses the "flying wire" technique which has been in place for over a decade?

    b. If it isn't a kung-fu movie, than why all the kung-fu? (Sorry for the circular reasoning).

  4. Which technical devices (i.e. slow motion bullets, etc.) did our filmmakers employ to make this better on an action level than the original?

  5. Is the relative speed of objects inside the Matrix outside the bounds of physics as well as the ability of people inside the Matrix to slow said objects?

    a. In other words, wouldn't a bullet still be faster and more effective inside the Matrix than a karate-chop, roundhouse kick, semi-truck assault or rock to the head? 

  6. With limitless access to any kind of weapons that are relatively faster than a karate-chop, why would kung-fu even be considered amongst the Matrix elite? (Granted against Neo, it wouldn't matter so, oh, never mind). Next question.

  7. If you were in charge of this movie, which of these "key" scenes would you eradicate in order to reduce the film's 138 minutes: 

    a. Dance hall sex scene. This reminded me of the Ewok celebration at the end of Return of the Jedi. At least the Ewoks had something to celebrate. The Zionists seemed a little premature. Fortunately the scene lasted long enough to become a comedy number. And the audience did laugh.

    b. The guy who tried to do a French accent scene. This scene was also long. I mean what pipe-hitting, surfer wannabe hackey-sacked this crazy shit before it landed on the cutting room floor? His name is Zack Staenberg (our editor). 

    c. Any scene where Hugo Weaving (Agent Smith) or Laurence Fishburne (Morpheus) relied on his/her/its voice coach for a long speech. These actors are better than this, but both of their deliveries are affected and more than a little silly. I recommend Mr. Weaving's The Interview or Fishburne's Othello if you want to see either actor near their 

  8. Which goofy character name is not actually used in The Matrix Reloaded: Link, Bane, Ice, Corrupt, Wurm, Zee, Cain, Abel, Binary, Tirant? Oh, wait, they all were. I sure miss Tank and Dozer from the first movie. Those were "cool" names.

  9. Moments from now (in Zion time), or perhaps millennia (or microseconds) inside the Matrix, will anybody care about the dialogue or any scenes (sans action) that make up 75% of this inane sequel?

  10. Most sadly of all, how could the sequel to Blade be better than the sequel to The Matrix? 

I must ask these difficult questions because we are put on this Earth for only a short time. We aren't supplied the answers to life's mysteries. Instead, we must "believe" in something, no matter how fantastic. If we can accept a surfer who can fly, we can become part of something much larger than ourselves...more harmonious...more balanced. I want to believe in The Matrix. I just have so many questions. And, in The Matrix Reloaded, each answer is less gripping than the last.

Darth Buzz


Woooooooooot!  It's poetic violence.  I love it!

That is my official review of the Matrix Reloaded.  If you liked the first one this one is more of the same.  I don't think I could pick a favorite.

In a salute to Jurassic Mark I will do my own list of numbers, that will answer his list of numbers.

  1. Yes, I thought the Agent Smith fight was somewhat unique.  I thought the fight at the Chateau was kick ass also.  There was probably an hour of great action in this film.  Did we see the same movie?

  2. Yes, what action films don't stage action scenes?  That's why we're here right?
    a. ?
    b. This is a movie not school.  Only RC still wants to be in school.

  3. Very good, your quick.

  4. Were you drunk when you wrote that?

  5. The Matrix is a program.  The people in the Matrix that are not programs are wired into the Matrix.  People like Neo are in a sense hacking the Matrix, thus bending and breaking the rules of the Matrix as they see fit.  Being a dumb surfer allows you to hack the Matrix better than anyone else.  Thus Neo is a god.
    a.  My English teacher said, "You can't have an A without a B."

  6. It very much fits into the Kung Fu stereotype of mind over mater.  Those guns and such that you are talking about are PROGRAMS.  Neo is not.  He can bend the Matrix to his will.  See how guns in the Matrix suck.

  7. I wasn't but I'll play.
    a. My audience didn't laugh, and I saw it twice.  Damn.  (I didn't like the scene either, hence it's not a 10)
    b. I thought it was kind of funny, "like wiping your ass with silk."
    c. I think they achieved what they set out to do.  I've said it too many times but I'll say it again, this ain't fucking Shakespeare.

  8. Since you didn't like the first one, what the fuck were you doing watching this one?

  9. Wait... let me think.  Yes.

  10. When you sober up and reread your review you will be ashamed that you admitted to seeing Blade 2.  I saw it (Blade 2) and liked it for what it was.  A shitty action flick.  The Matrix Reloaded is a tad better than that.

Drunken Master

Damn if I must also through my literary might at thwarting the foolishness that JM hurls upon us.    

1.  One would think that the whole freeway scene would make a viewer wet their pants with creamy goodness as an action fan.  The first movie had "fight scenes."  Reloaded had "Fight sequences" that went on in glory for long periods of time with each one upping upon the first Matrix.   The Chateau scene was choreographed perfection that who in their right mind would even attempt to film. 

2.  This scene proved more than one thing.
     a.   Neo is above physical danger from the Matrix, but only too a point.
     b.  It brings a new danger to Neo in another Program that is free from the original intent of the Matrix in that it is separate from the Matrix as well even though it is only a program.
     c.  It was just bad ass

3.  An action movie does not have the mental stimulation that this movie has.   The bar has been raised for action movies, let us hope the days of Commando and Tango and Cash are behind us.  This is a movie that gets a person to the edge of their seat while forcing their mind to think. 

4.  I'm pretty sure he was drunk when he wrote that, Buzz and I shouldn't have to retort that. 

5.  Did you see the first movie when they explained the rules? 

6.  Did you see the first movie when they explained the rules? 

7.  If I found out my ass was trash I'd be nailing every thing that moved as well, the scene was unnecessary but seeing a bunch of hot woman with their nipples showing grinding against other women didn't hurt.  Besides they got to use a set that I'm sure set them back a buck or two. 

8.  I take these names from the English Patient which won Best Picture Oscar:  Laszlo, Hana, Kip, Maddox, Hardy, and Fouad.   These too also suck, but the movie won an Oscar. 

9.  Inane sequel?   Did anyone see Turbulence 2, Charles Angels Full Throttle, Blade 2.......wait. 

10.  For a movie watcher with such a picky taste......what the fuck were you watching Blade 2? 

Shit JM, I thought some of my reviews sucked ass.   Maybe there are some genres of movies that you might want to stay away from because mentally they are a bit too "challenging" for you.   Stick to Red White and that Shitty Blue movie.....They're more your speed.