Jurassic
Mark
Dear Drunken Master,
I've read your drunken emails for
years now, but it seems like much longer. I now recognize that these
emails are actually a cry for help.
So, I searched around, and I
found a "support group" that might be able to help. It's
called "Corporate Daddy AA."
Now, I know you don't think
your an alcoholic, but "Corporate Daddy AA" is nothing like
normal Alcoholics Anonymous. "CDAA" is tailor made for
people who fit your demographic. CDAA never meets before noon because the
"sponsors" are just as hung over as the other pathetic losers
who join the club. CDAA has other advantages over Alcoholics Anonymous:
1. No fat bitches are allowed. Portly men may
attend if there stomach is recognized by legitimate doctors as a
"beer belly."
2. The meeting rooms are cool, with no bright
lights. Lying down is optional. Cots are provided. If
the room is too cool, take a "blanky" from the closet.
3. For those with a hangover, you may request a
cocktail by raising your hand and (not too loud) say, "hair of the
dog." Talking loud is not acceptable. Drinking socially
and responsibly is encouraged.
4. No one has ever worn a tie to a CDAA meeting.
To do so would be like taking a shit on Mother Theresa's grave, and then
covering it with the American flag and then taking another shit on top of
that. Lord knows I'm not trying to "preach" DM. You have a
hard road ahead of you. But, I believe CDAA could be a start.
I "challenge" you to give them a call at 1-800-TOASTED. If you
don't get help from CDAA, get help from other drugs. And remember
the CDAA motto:
"I WORK AT DRINKING, I DRINK WHILE
WORKING."
Sincerely,
Jurassic Mark
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